Depression without rhyme or reason

I took a break from the blog at The Durden News Channel.  With my disorder, I have unexplained lows.  It kept me from posting anything new... and even WANTING to post anything new.

These lows are frustrating.  My fiance had never experienced them with me until now.  It's intense.  I find myself unable to complete things... simple things... that I may have had a passion for.  Everything and anything I find interesting loses its meaning to me.  I'm left with an empty feeling. 

The best description I've ever been able to come up with for these lows is that it's like being swallowed by darkness.  A darkness where everything you see, everything you want to do falls away from you.  Honestly it is sad to watch as the things you love to do in a day to day become things you don't even want to think about.

I've spent the last two years looking into my psyche... trying to find a pattern to stop these lows from coming about.  Trying to curb them before they get worse.  Trying to satiate my depression.  Yet it always finds a way to take hold of me.  The only thing I can do is hope that it won't last, that Sara can be patient while I work my way through it, and that I won't lose sight of what's important to me.

At these times, it's being a fiance, a father, a son, a friend... these simple titles are that which I give all of myself to.  It carries me through.  Until I see the light again.

There may be no rhyme or reason... to my life as it is now... to anything that I feel... but I'll keep going... until I find meaning... or until meaning finds me.

My calling

Starting this blog has given me a hard look into who I am.  I am, at my core, a writer.  I enjoy it.  I feel like I'm good at it.  I like conveying my ideas and emotions through text. 

I've started a few other blogs.  One was just a collection of older blogs... while another was my take on current events.  Still a third was simple reviews over movies and books I've seen or read recently.  Someday I'd like to start a fourth of just... jokes.  Humorous things I've made.  Whether they are videos, comics, photoshopped pictures, whatever... I'd like to do that next.

These kinds of things:

and this:

I spoke to my friend Chad.  The Phantom apparently was never there.  The photographer must have been drunk and his hallucination must have made it's way onto the film.

As soon as one blog finishes, another sprouts up. It's like the Hydra of cyberspace.

I finished the new blog about old thoughts.  I have a list of blogs in the right side of each blog leading to the other blogs.  Thoughts of Yesterday was pretty much a collection of my Myspace blogs.  I wanted to have my thoughts there for Lily if she ever wanted to read them. 

With that finished...I have been kicking an idea around for a while about commenting on the news... entertainment, politics, etc.  And thus The Durden News Channel was born.

It will be serious sometimes, funny others... but ultimately I'll try to follow a set course of reasoning instead of things like political parties or religious affiliations as a basis for my opinions.  I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinions.  On the contrary.  I want to hear many different viewpoints. 

Oh and...

First rule about The Durden News Channel is... don't talk about The Durden News Channel.

The Durden News Channel

One more blog:  Let's Review.  So far it's just book and movie reviews.  Two up there so far. 

Yeah, a lot of blogs.  Still trying to find my niche as a writer.  I figure the more mediums I tackle, the faster I'll find my calling.