Definition... what something is...
It is something I can't answer of myself.
What... and who I am...
Because I'm so wrapped up in what and who I'm not.
I have spent the years since I've last worked in a variety of ways. Ultimately trying to be ok with who I am. But that's just it. I'm not ok with it.
My friends... work. My family... works. Everyone can and does work.
Yet I can't get myself out there and the general consensus is... it should be easy.
I assure you, it is something that I always think about. With every passing moment, I know of this shortcoming and I'm desperately trying to get back out there. Trying to be normal.
I'm tired. So god damn tired. Of not being normal. And feeling judged because of it.
The sad thing is... even if I imagine that aspect of it... even if no one I know is judging me...
I'm judging me. I'm hating me. For everything I am... and everything I'm not.
