The lows kick in

Winding down... finding it hard to write and read.  My focus is distracted... my memory obscure.t

Thoughts of her are what is driving me forward.,

Lily, my folks, my siblings, and the friends that helped turn me into the man I am today.

I may have a while to go to prove myself... but I'll work hard to attain constant happiness as opposed to utmost perfection.

The hardest part of this disorder...

... is the loss of control and independence.  I know what I stand to lose, so I follow every order, even if from doctor to doctor those orders conflict.

I just wish I was normal.

I'm still happy... but I can feel the low today...

...but I'm not scared. 

Because I believe in my family, my friends, and even the hospital staff...

I know they want what's best for me.  And I'm gonna make sure to fight and work towards tomorrow.

I've found my calling

I want to be a writer.

It will take patience... perseverance... and I will have to be aware of my disorder every step of the way.


This is what I want to do with my life.


Wish me luck!

Heroes

Heroes.  This word can be used in a myriad of ways.  It can be used to describe our family, our friends, those who protect and serve, or simply those who stand against injustice.

It is my belief that we are all looking to find heroes.  To model ourselves after... to live our lives by.  There are so many role models out there that seem to convey the wrong message...

...yet it is my belief that there are heroes among us. 

I'm a military brat... and because of that I didn't see my dad as often as I would have liked.  But just knowing that he was serving our country... doing what he could for the nation (he was in services)... made him a hero in my eyes.

My mom is also one of my heroes.  She does anything for anyone at the drop of a hat without fail.  Whether she can afford to or not, she's there.  For my sisters... for my brother... and for me.

Personally... I have a lot of heroes.  It seems everyone I've met has a little bit of it in them.

Believe in the good in people... and I doubt you'll ever be let down.

One more thing...

When I talk about heroes I don't mean hero worship.  It's an important distinction. 

A true hero doesn't need recognition.  He's usually too busy saving the world.

Towards Tomorrow

A man can reach back for the past
His doubt, his courage, his love can't last
The present denotes challenges as well
Sometimes it feels like going through hell
The future is the scariest of the three
Because it's not a certainty

I'm lucky to say that I have found
A way to move past the past
Although it goes round and round
I know that these feelings can last

There is no right way
There is no wrong
The only eventuality is what we see
Courage
Peace
Love
Strength

We may not always be with the ones we love.  We may not know what God has in store for us.  What the universe has ready.

Fate... religion... luck... miracles...

Call it what you want.

Because I believe.

I believe that we are here for a reason.  Each and everyone of us.  There has to be a reason why we're here, at this moment, at this time, at this point of history.  And although my life may be just a footnote in the great book of history...

I'm done trying to leave my mark on the world. 

I'm just happy to be in it.

Appendix, you are my bitch lover

I'm extremely fortunate to be writing this entry today. 

I mean that because I almost died.

My appendix ruptured and I attributed the bad feelings to a med switch for my Bipolar Disorder.

If it wasn't for my family, friends, doctor, etc pushing me to get checked out...

I'm grateful to everyone who acted faster than I did.

I'm recovering now so I'm gonna cut this blog short.  Had to take a pain pill this morning and I'm feeling a bit sleepy.

Until next time!