What lies ahead

Constant struggle.  Bitter emotions.  A pledge to survive.

This has been my life.

I live my life inside my head.  It's hard to be disappointed if you never admit to yourself what you need to thrive, what you need to be happy.

So when you break those rules...

When you admit it aloud...

You put yourself out there.  And you're now free to be judged.  To be cast aside.  Or... if you're real lucky... to be loved.

Sometimes it's all three.

I feel like a tumultuous beginning begets a tumultuous end.  That good begets good, that love begets love, that laying it all on the line will end with nothing more than having every desire and wish fulfilled.

But life isn't a movie. 

The truth of the matter is... you can't predict what lies ahead.

You can hope...

But hope doesn't always grant reprieve.

To be honest... I'm terrified of what lies further down the road.

Because I've had true love in my grasp and now...

Now...

Now I don't know what I have. 

I'll continue to believe in romance... in beauty... in inspiration... in love.

And as my life flickers away... I'll take solace in knowing I never gave up on that which I believe in.

To all the things that changed... to all that stays the same

It has been an interesting year to say the least.

I've lost a girl, an appendix, and my lucky boxers.

But I digress.

The most disappointing loss has actually been the end of a friendship.  I had a good friend... a great friend... for eleven years.  I guess as you get older, things change.  You grow apart. 

Depressing... yet we soldier on.

These things aside, my year has been pretty great.

I have good friends, good family, and an Xbox.

In the end isn't that what we all need?