What lies ahead

Constant struggle.  Bitter emotions.  A pledge to survive.

This has been my life.

I live my life inside my head.  It's hard to be disappointed if you never admit to yourself what you need to thrive, what you need to be happy.

So when you break those rules...

When you admit it aloud...

You put yourself out there.  And you're now free to be judged.  To be cast aside.  Or... if you're real lucky... to be loved.

Sometimes it's all three.

I feel like a tumultuous beginning begets a tumultuous end.  That good begets good, that love begets love, that laying it all on the line will end with nothing more than having every desire and wish fulfilled.

But life isn't a movie. 

The truth of the matter is... you can't predict what lies ahead.

You can hope...

But hope doesn't always grant reprieve.

To be honest... I'm terrified of what lies further down the road.

Because I've had true love in my grasp and now...

Now...

Now I don't know what I have. 

I'll continue to believe in romance... in beauty... in inspiration... in love.

And as my life flickers away... I'll take solace in knowing I never gave up on that which I believe in.