Bullying: (noun)
1) acts or written or spoken words intended to intimidate or harass a person or to cause physical harm to a person or his or her property
2) abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger, more powerful
In the locker room, two seniors were getting in my classmate's face.
"I heard you hit on my girlfriend."
"N-No. I swear."
"You're calling her a liar?"
"No! Of course not."
"So you did come onto her."
"No! I didn't say that, please just go away."
"I'm not going anywhere."
I finally finished tying my shoes and approached the Varsity quarterback and his friend...
Before I finish my anecdote, let me say this.
I don't like bullies. I didn't like them in elementary school. I didn't like them in middle school. I didn't like them in high school.
And now, 13 years after graduation, I can tell you...
I don't like them now.
I was never bullied growing up. But I saw it happen to others. Far too often. I've seen it on playgrounds, at parties, and in bars. I've seen it happen to strangers. I've seen it happen to loved ones. Unfortunately, I've even seen people I care about play the titular role.
And ever since I was a little kid, I couldn't keep my mouth shut when I saw it.
In grade school, this meant I was ostracized. Standing up to the cool kids will do that.
In middle school, this led to physical altercations. Their pent up anger had to go somewhere.
In high school, you never quite knew for sure how things would go.
So on that day as I approached the three, one thing kept going through my mind.
I'm gonna get killed.
But my legs were already moving and before I knew it I was standing in front of the three of them.
"You're Cecilia's boyfriend, right?" I asked him.
The quarterback looked at me, dumbfounded at this lowly freshman daring to address him.
"Why the hell are you talking about her?"
I shrugged. "She's in my Spanish class. We're working on a project together. She's pretty cool. Talks about you a lot." I laughed a bit.
Then he laughed too.
And I spent the next ten minutes telling this guy how much his girlfriend doted on him during class.
At the end of it, we parted ways respectfully.
Did that senior ever bully again? Probably. Did that kid ever get picked on again? I dunno.
But I know that he didn't get picked on that day.
Sometimes, all you need to do... Is say something.
I see a lot of people on social media bullying others. Some think of it as something brag worthy. It isn't.
I keep seeing these posts and letters pop up, that call people out by name. They start insulting these people to a global audience, sharing intimate details. Teasing them. Denigrating them.
I can't tell you that one side is more right than the other. I can't tell you that the grievances aren't legitimate. I can only tell you that the negative public accosting is wrong. Really wrong.
Because it's bullying too. On a really massive scale.
Look at this way.
Let's say we were back in high school again (and it's starting to feel that way sometimes).
David is mad at Deborah. He tells everyone all the time how terrible she is. Sometimes it's an insult on her appearance. Sometimes he just calls her nasty names. Other times, he gets his friends together, and they all laugh, point, and jeer each time she passes.
But soon, that stops being enough.
So David sits at his laptop and decides to write. And he writes a paper, filled with defamation, and prints copy after copy.
The next day at school, Deborah wanders the halls to see every student giving her coy looks. She sees a paper in each of their hands. Then, she finds two people handing them out to every student. Deborah snags one and reads David's letter for herself.
And basically the rest plays out like that scene from A Walk To Remember.
That is what's going on. Right now. Except we're not in high school anymore.
This stuff has to stop.
"But they did this one thing and they..."
Doesn't matter. Block and move on.
"They keep telling everyone..."
The same kind of stuff you say about them? Two wrongs.
"I'm only defending myself because..."
No. You're bullying back. And that's no better.
If you bully because you were bullied? You don't stop a bully. You add one more to the mix: You.
If you need everyone to know that you're the good guy?
Be the good guy.
We'll see it. And you won't need to insist that it's true.
Now, am I aware that writing a letter condemning the bullies who wrote letters condemning other people is a bit ironic and hypocritical?
Yes.
But I never could stop my legs from moving towards the bullies and saying something.
