I often find myself wondering where I can make improvements. Within my mind... emotionally, logically. Given my condition, containing and controlling my emotions is a full time job. Understanding them, an even more challenging prospect. Now, at the age of 24 and a half, I'm starting to take steps in redirecting my energies, both positive and negative, into improving all that I am. To become a man that not only the people around me are proud of... but one that I'M proud of as well.
I was accepted into the Freemasons... which is honestly, a dream come true. I have never, not once in my life found something I've had such a passion for. I absorb the information in the books I can't get enough of. I look for ways to expand my knowledge, to take the lessons from what I've read and incorporate them into my life. From the history, both speculative and proven, I find answers to many questions I've had my entire life. Not just missing pieces of world history. Theological questions I've never had the answers to.
I've finally found the best term to define who I am... that is to say, what I believe in. I am a Deist.
To many, having a title to go with the beliefs may not seem like a big deal... but for twenty four years I've searched in vain for the term to define mine... the umbrella by which I could learn, hope, and believe. This is that term. It's good to finally know.
I've been working on my temperament. It has brought me much frustration, but much fulfillment. I want to be a better person. I want to contribute to the world. I want to help people. But to help others I have to find my personal answers first, lay old demons to rest, and look upward instead of downward when I walk forward.
It's the only way I'll know where I'm going.
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