Understanding

I wish I understood things far better than I do.  Why some people act the way they do.  Why some people care about certain things but lack empathy for other things.  I wish I understood the right way to word my thoughts and emotions.  I wish I understood... anything.

There are so many facets to everything... and I'd just like to have a handle on one thing.  Something to give stability.  Anything...

I'm lost today.  In cool realization.  In extreme emotions I can't settle.  From one end of the spectrum to the other... thoughts racing... a desire for a calm... some solace.

Usually I can control this question... that keeps popping up.  A question I've never been asked by anyone other than myself.  A question I will never escape... because I haven't escaped it in these many years.

The question doesn't matter.  Neither does my answer to it.

I want something.  I have so much... that I feel I don't deserve.  I'm lucky to have what I have... who I have... but there is something I still crave... one last thing.

Something that will make me feel proud.  Deserving of the woman I have.  The life we have. 

Something I will always strive for.

Something that keeps me as sane as possible as often as possible.

Something that keeps me trying to learn how to control the ebb and flow of what's inside.

Something that will give solace.

Purpose.