I am truly blessed to write this entry.

If you found your way here, I know what brought you.

You've noticed the changes.  The telltale signs.

Funny thing is... I know now that I have more friends than I ever thought I did.



I've been fighting an invisible disorder for seven years.  It has been the most horrifying experience of my life.  I won't go into detail, for two reasons.  It would cause me to go off on a tangent and I can't do that right now.  I have too much to say.  The second reason is, this link takes you to a hub of sorts for "secret" writing I've been doing for years.  If you want to read depressing, scary, random thoughts... a truly open window into my psyche, mind, and soul... you can.

But that's not what this is for.

This is for the people who care about me.

I wasn't smart about how I approached this disorder.  I was stubborn and proud and for lack of a better term, weak.  That's why everything that has happened these last seven years, happened. 

God truly has a plan for us all.  I really believe that.

It all led up to this point, on this day, at this time.  So I could write this. 

With a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.

I don't know when I will post this blog.  I want to reread it and make sure it's perfect.

Yes, nothing is ever perfect.

But wanting to achieve perfection is my biggest strength and weakness.  I'll never reach it... and I'm not supposed to.

Look at that.  A tangent.  Was hoping to avoid doing that... lol




 I started going through a bipolar high.  Luckily, the full force came out and banded together.  My Dad, my Mom, my siblings, my friends.... they were there.

I knew it was my fault.  I was being to prideful to admit that I was having trouble sleeping and eating... feeling temperatures weird... all the tell tale signs I've learned are triggers these last 7 years.

I was slow to act.  But luckily... not too slow.




I'm taking sleep meds now, and anyone who knows me knows I hate them... lol... but at this point I don't care.  If I need to go to the hospital and spend six months in patient... I'll do it.  Whatever it takes.  Because....



I've finally learned...

It's not a weakness.

It's not a weakness to admit you're in trouble.  To admit you need help.  To wear your heart on your sleeve.  To be yourself. 

I'm stronger than I ever realized...

I just screwed up a lot.


Elyse, you have been amazing throughout this entire battle.  I haven't praised you through it all to your face, but rest assured (and you can ask anyone this) I have always admired how great you are with our daughter.  Thank you.  I know you love her and want her happiness, no matter what.



I'm a new man.  And... I'm terrified.  I am.  But I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life.

Thank you... to everyone for responding so fast, for being there, for being a friend, even when I burned bridges, even when I stubbornly fought you every single step of the way.

Thank you for never giving up on me.



Now I'm gonna shut off my phone for the day, because although I am taking sleeping pills now the high was intense enough that it didn't make a big enough dent.  I'm hoping going off the grid so to speak will help me calm down enough to finally get a full 8 hours.

I love you guys.  God, I can't express how blessed I am.

I'm excited for the next chapter.  I'll see you guys there.

-Michael Kelly