Going backwards

I don't mean walking backwards (literal) or popping it in reverse (more literal).

We all do it (or have done it).  I'm probably the guiltiest of this one simple act.

When I say going backwards I mean reaching back for what's familiar.  Who we felt safe with.  What feels like home to us. 

Basically... what's comfortable.

I have reached back for every ex at one point in my life.  Sometimes under the guise of friendship, sometimes literally FOR friendship.  Sometimes to recreate the good times (blatantly ignoring the bad), sometimes to find that safe haven I once had.

Thing is... I'm an optimistic guy. 

Perfect example... I live on SSDI.  I used to beat myself up about it.  "I'm 24 getting paid for doing nothing woe is me I'm so terrible blah blah blah."  Thing is, I wanted to work but knew I couldn't handle it.  Thinking that way made it so. 

Now, with new meds, more confidence, more stability, less pessimism... I'm making positive changes.

The glass IS half full.

I have a great life, great friends, and a great family.  I want for nothing. 

Except for a Ferrari.