True Love

You can't "do whatever it takes" with love.  There are checks and balances, there are eventualities, and there are guidelines.  Too long I've believed that "love can make it through anything."  I'm not giving up on love entirely I'm just... changing my perspective.  It's the only way I can survive.

Love is a great fascination.  I will always hold out for it... hoping to capture it again.  But I won't let it consume every fiber of my being.  Not again.  Not any longer.

There are too many things in the world to just... get that happily ever after.  A movie doesn't show the six girls that (enter main character's name here) loved and lost along the way.  Most of the time it shows him give his all to ONE girl.  Then it shows the audience... us... that loving her is just enough.

But that's not real life. 

No matter what we feel... no matter what we want... the only way love can truly survive is for BOTH people to want it to.  Otherwise, your energy and focus is for naught.  Nothing can come of it.  Nothing will come of it.

I can want my ex badly and wholeheartedly... but if she doesn't want me back... then I'm just wanting an old facsimile of what I used to have.

I reached back for the past... and I came up with nothing, nada, zilch.  Then I was left with... this.  This empty feeling.

I hate it.  I hated feeling it the first time... and I hate it today.

So does true love exist?  I believe it does.  But for the "lucky" few who have a personality disorder... a deal breaker for even the strongest of couples... it may be near impossible to find someone to be with.

If I couldn't make it work with Sara... how could I make it work with someone else?  The answer I fear is... clouded within my mind.  I will find a way out... a way to what I need and someone that is strong enough to stand by me if I ever crumble again.

My problem isn't that people leave... it's that they don't come back when needed.  I didn't need someone when I was high... but I did need someone when I was low.  The lack of support and being there during that time speaks volumes... and I expect no more than I'd be willing to give. 

This is my cross to bear.  This is my burden to carry.

True love is out there... it just may be a while before I ever get a chance to see it come my way.